Optimism is the cornerstone of resilience

As back to school rolls around again, we as parents have a wonderful opportunity to choose our goals for the year ahead. Based on the proven value optimism brings throughout the life of an individual, let us explore some ways to accomplish this worthwhile goal of instilling positive thinking.

We have all been there, those moments where our kids are negative, defeatists and have a “give up” kind of attitude. But what if your child’s outlook always seems to be the “glass is half empty” rather than the “glass is half full”? Is there anything you can do about it? The good news is that optimism, which was once thought to be an inborn trait and part of your temperament, can actually be taught. Being an optimist or a pessimist is not like having a particular temperament, like being shy or being outgoing, which tends to define our personality. Rather, being optimistic or pessimistic has to do with your explanatory story: your way of viewing the world and what you tell yourself when bad things happen.

The research is clear – how we view the world has a significant impact on how successfully we can function in it. Optimism, or the belief that things will generally work out OK in the end, is the cornerstone of resilience. It is also considered to be important to achieving success. Research shows that optimists who believe that they can achieve success are, in fact, more likely to do so.

Unlike people who believe that the worst-case scenario is always the most likely to occur, optimists tend to have faith in their ability to succeed in any circumstance. Children (and adults) who are often pessimistic can be more vulnerable to depression. They do not do as well as optimistic children, who generally have higher levels of motivation and drive and feel that they have more control over their lives (Seligman, 2007). In fact, optimists are healthier than pessimists, get fewer illnesses, have longer relationships and live longer (Danner, Snowdon & Friesen, 2001).

Even if your child seems to be born with a tendency toward pessimism, there is a lot you, as a parent, can do to increase your child’s optimism quotient. There is evidence that we learn at an early age how to view the world and its potential from those around us, and that a depressed, negative parent can easily influence us to interpret events in a negative way. The field of cognitive therapy has shown us that if we can change the way we talk to ourselves about events and how we interpret them, it can change our emotional reaction to our experiences. What you say to yourself, your internal self-talk, affects your behavior and how you are likely to respond in the future.

As a parent, it is important to notice how your child thinks about things and responds to events. When something bad happens, does he see it as reflective of his entire life, does he think the misfortune is pervasive, permanent and personally directed at him? Once you spot automatic negative thinking in your child, you need to challenge their way of thinking. Pessimistic thinking can be defined as expecting bad things to happen. Pessimists think catastrophically. Their negative thinking may prevent them from being willing to try new things or new opportunities. To confront pessimism, you must challenge the four thought patterns that lead to pessimistic thinking.

The negative four P’s:

• Permanence: “Bad stuff always happens and always will.”

• Pervasive: “Nothing ever works out for me.”

• Personal: “Bad stuff always happens to me.”

• Powerlessness: “It doesn’t matter what I do. I just have bad luck. Bad stuff always happens to me.”

The key to teaching optimism is to view setbacks as temporary, isolated events that are not personal and are within your power to fix. Thus, the exact opposite of the above negative P’s. Martin Seligman, the founder of the Positive Psychology Movement, says the most important question you should ask when confronted with misfortune is, “Could I have done something differently in this situation which would have changed things?” It’s important to teach your child that they are not powerless in most situations. Sure, some things are bad luck, but he can still control how he chooses to act and re-act in any given situation. For example, if a child fails a test, you want to stop the runaway thought train of “I’m stupid and I never do well on tests” and replace it with “I need to study more.”

Cultivating optimistic thinking can be achieved by confronting negative self-talk and replacing it with positive self-talk. Challenge those negative thoughts. In addition to challenging your child’s thinking process, it is important that you, as a parent, be mindful of your thought process and what you model for your child. Your view of the world will help to shape the lens through which your child views the world. For parents wishing to learn more about teaching optimism to their child, read “The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depress and Build Lifelong Resilience” by Martin E. P. Seligman.

Michelle Yetman, PhD, is an assistant professor and clinical psychologist with the Children’s Center at LSU Health Shreveport’s School of Allied Health Professions.