Playing the victim is not helpful, nor inspiring to others

Have you ever known someone who makes everything about them? You know the type — no matter the conversation, they spin it back to their own struggle. You could be talking about the loss of a loved one, the challenges of raising a family or trying to make ends meet, and somehow, they’ll top it with a tale of how they have it worse and are the first ever to endure something so difficult. It’s as if pain, hardship and sacrifice only exist in their world.

Honestly, it gets a little ridiculous.

We’ve all faced pain. We’ve all dealt with disappointment, loss, fear and stress. That’s the shared experience of humanity. There’s a difference between sharing a story to connect and hijacking every moment to spotlight your own suffering. And in a world that already feels divided, we don’t need more self-centered drama. We need more humility, more listening and a reminder that there is greatness within each of us to overcome and that we are designed to be more the victor and less the victim.

So, when Michelle Obama recently opined in her new podcast how difficult life was for her, saying, “We don’t articulate, as Black women, our pain, because it’s almost like nobody gave us permission to do that,” I was like, “Wait, what?”

Well, first of all, if Black women “just live with their pain,” what does everyone else (who aren’t Black women) do with their pain? And secondly, is there really someone in charge of granting permission to complain? Is there some form online that I missed?

The truth of the matter is that no one needs permission to complain. You’re free to speak if you have a mouth and a thought. And the idea that you need approval before you air your grievances reveals a more profound craving for validation, not truth. It’s a signal that says, “See how oppressed I am? I even need permission just to hurt.”

No, you don’t. You want applause for your pain. That’s not the same as needing permission. Complaining is super easy. Taking responsibility is hard. So, if you feel the need to speak out about something wrong, do it — but don’t pretend someone’s holding you back when the world is practically begging for your opinion. You don’t need permission. You need perspective.

Pain is not the exclusive territory of any race, gender, or class. Pain is the price of being human.

The single mother who works two jobs and still attends every Little League game? Pain. The farmer who loses the family ranch to a flood and starts over from scratch? Pain. The dad who lost his son to fentanyl. Pain. The military spouse who repeatedly says goodbye and never knows if it’s the last hug? Pain.

Mrs. Obama, Americans don’t “just live with pain,” we overcome it. We grow from it. We make it part of our legacy, not our label. The alternative is to surrender, but quitters didn’t build America, and we’re not starting now.

Imagine if Michelle said, instead, “Black women live with pain, but they also raise families, build businesses, become doctors, write best-selling books, serve their country in uniform, get elected to lead their communities and country?” That’s a message of empowerment, indeed.

And while it is true that, as C.S. Lewis once wrote, “you can’t go back and change the beginning,” you can also “start where you are and change the ending.”

No more recitations of grievances, guilt or group identity, but courage, character and commitment.

That, my friends, is what America is still made of.

So, while the past has shaped us, the future is still ours to build — and you don’t need anyone’s “permission” to do that, Mrs. Obama, regardless of what gender or color you might be.

Louis R. Avallone is a Shreveport businessman, attorney and author of “Bright Spots, Big Country, What Makes America Great.” He is also a former aide to U.S. Representative Jim McCrery and editor of The Caddo Republican. His columns have appeared regularly in 318 Forum since 2007. Follow him on Facebook, on Twitter @louisravallone or by e-mail at louisavallone@mac.com, and on American Ground Radio at 101.7FM and 710 AM, weeknights from 6 - 7 p.m., and streaming live on keelnews.com.