Why talking to one another still matters

Someone recently read an opinion piece I had written. They disagreed with it.

That’s not unusual. If you’re in the business of telling the truth, of giving your opinion straight up, you’re going to rub some people the wrong way (and they let you know, often in no uncertain terms). That’s part of the deal.

But this time it was different. It wasn’t just that they disagreed with me on a political issue or philosophical matter. You see, I had written something about them. It was factual, yes. It was honeß´st, yes. But still, they disagreed.

Now here’s where the story turns.

Instead of firing off a nasty social media post or calling me names, they asked to sit down. And so we did over a cup of coffee. Just two people, face to face, talking.

And you know what? It was good. Not because we agreed on everything, but because we had a conversation. A real conversation — that’s something we are losing in America. The ability to sit down, listen, ask questions and exchange ideas without turning it into a digital demolition derby on Facebook or X. Conversation is becoming a lost art form, and we need to get it back.

It feels like we’ve replaced conversations with performances, and now, nobody talks anymore; they broadcast. Social media has trained us to weaponize words, to score points, to “own” someone in a comment thread, instead of trying to understand. You post something, somebody disagrees, and boom, it’s a pile-on. They don’t just want to argue the issue; they want to destroy you.

Why? Because the incentive structures of social media reward outrage, not dialogue. You get likes for snark, not for nuance. You get retweets for “burns,” not for bridges. It’s easier to type “you’re an idiot” from behind a screen than it is to look someone in the eye and say, “Help me understand your perspective.”

That’s why sitting down with this person who disagreed with my column was so powerful. It’s a reminder that behind every opinion is a human being.

If we lose the art of conversation, we lose more than civility — we lose democracy itself. Because self-government requires dialogue, it requires debate. It requires compromise. And if all we do is retreat into our echo chambers, blasting one another online, we stop being a people and start being warring tribes.

The evidence is everywhere. Polls show Americans are more polarized than ever. Friendships are breaking up over politics. Families are divided. Business relationships collapse over a Facebook post. This is not sustainable.

And the irony is, most of us want the same things: safety, prosperity, opportunity for our kids. We just differ on how to get there. But you’ll never discover common ground if all you do is lob grenades at each other online.

No, we don’t have to agree on everything.

We never will.

But we can still talk. We can still listen.

We can still treat each other like people, not enemies. And if we do that, we might rediscover the art of conversation — and along with it, the very foundation of leadership, democracy and community.

Because here’s the truth: Blasting each other online will never solve our problems. But sitting down, face to face, cup of coffee in hand, that just might.

After all, we don’t have to see eye to eye to walk side by side.

Louis R. Avallone is a Shreveport businessman, attorney and author of “Bright Spots, Big Country, What Makes America Great.” He is also a former aide to U.S. Representative Jim McCrery and editor of The Caddo Republican. His columns have appeared regularly in 318 Forum since 2007. Follow him on Facebook, on Twitter @louisravallone or by e-mail at louisavallone@mac.com, and on American Ground Radio at 101.7FM and 710 AM, weeknights from 6 - 7 p.m., and streaming live on keelnews.com.