Overheard: My uncle is often loaded ... drunk to you ... He walks a lot in the street carrying a box marked “dynamite” so he never gets hit.

Definition: Pessimist ... a man who wears a belt and suspenders.

My dad said he’d give me a $1,000 if I’d cut my bad habits. I didn’t do it. Who can have fun with only good habits?

A bore is someone who keeps talking when you’re interrupting.

Dammit! I just brought a new pair of shoes. They squeak so much cats follow me everywhere.

Chuck Fellers