Men know this: Most of them sleep on the right side of the bed. Even in sleep they have to be right.

Overheard: Real estate agent to an old guy, “This would be a great investment.” His response, “Are you kidding? At my age I don’t even buy green bananas.”

A student was in the campus bookstore. The salesman told him the book would do half of his work so he bought two.

What did the cop say to his stomach? I’ve got you under a vest.

Remember if you want to be quoted, say something that you shouldn’t say.